Armageddon of the Dead (2007) (U.S.A. Risen) - Film Review

I am almost at a loss to review Damon Crump’s 2010 Zombie film ARMAGEDDON OF THE DEAD. So bad was this film that actually seeing it through to the end credits seemed somewhat of an achievement! I knew the second the title credits started that this was going to be a poor excuse for a film and I was right. Ignore completely the DVD case, it relates in no way to the enclosed disc. The image on the front bares no resemblance to any scene of the film and the synopsis on the back: well, it’s a joke. Since when has ‘the young couple arm themselves for battle against the hordes of undead’ translated to: the couple grab a baseball bat and run for the car? There is no epic battle, no Armageddon of the dead, little action, even less acting, and indeed only a miniscule amount of entertainment value.

The story is simple: A train filled with noxious gasses crashes and the dead won’t stay dead. A couple along with their brother/brother-in-law escape their home to look for their daughter. That’s it...no really, that’s it!! The special effects are laughable; imagine a group
of nursery school kids, a pot of red(ish) paint and the instruction ‘daub it on as quickly as you can’ and you’re about there. The zombies are inconsistent, with some lumbering along slowly and others going for the four minute mile!

I’m afraid at some point we have to mention the acting – or lack of it! Think pre-school nativity. Of course the acting isn’t helped by the poor screenplay and dodgy direction. At one point with a flesh-eating zombie trapped in his bathroom, and as he wrestles with the door handle to avoid certain death, the lead character’s phone rings. There is the strangest moment as he grapples with the idea of actually letting go of the door handle to answer his phone!!!

The characters are not built at the start of the film and therefore, I couldn’t have care less if they’d all been scoffed alive in the opening scene, it would have saved me the torture of the next hour and a half. At no point did I care about any of them, in fact at one point I was siding with the pink tinged extras pawing at the glass to get in!

I have to digress back to that dreadfully misleading DVD box again. Here it states with some pride ‘Armageddon of the dead has been called one of the goriest, most violent films ever made’. By who?! Presumably by the designer of the aforementioned box! We also see big and proud the words ‘After the apocalypse comes Armageddon’ I can only assume this refers to another slightly superior zombie flick by Metrodome, Apocalypse of the dead which is completely unrelated.

I don’t think I need to say any more, spare yourself the hard work and step away from that glossy, tempting box. What lies within truly is horrific but not in the way you’re hoping for!

Armageddon of the Dead (2007) Director: Damon Crump, Writer: David Talbot, Damon Crump (uncredited) Cast: GiGi Erneta, Joe Thackery, Jason Harper, Audrey Davis, Oliver Luke, Mohammad Ahmed, Karim Irteimeh.

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